Parenting small children can be quite a challenge with the busy lifestyles we lead today. In times past, mothers had the luxury of staying at home with their children and witnessing every milestone. However, nowadays, most families require dual incomes to keep the household going, thus drastically reducing the time spent rearing the children. As such, it is that much more important to value the time we have with our children and use these periods to teach our child, as well as strengthen our relationships with them.
When our child is an infant, bonding should be our focus. Rather than coming home from work and buzzing around doing housework, it is important to take those first moments at home with our baby. We need to show them affection through cuddling, reading to them and feeding them, just to name a few. Also, and most important, is our responsiveness to our child’s needs. Simply fulfilling their basic desires is conducive to parent-child bonding. These small things make a big difference when it comes to building closeness with our child.
As our child moves into the toddling stage, attending to their basic needs remains very important, not only for bonding, but also for cognitive development. It is also integral that we create a home that is stimulating for our child. The presence of learning toys and those conducive to fantasy play are the best choices for toddlers. However, we should not simply put the toys in front of our child and walk away. Active parental involvement helps children in a number of ways, from bonding to helping with speech. This is also the stage where we can begin teaching our child about behavioral expectations. Utilizing positive and negative reinforcements are key for our child’s learning.
At the preschool age, we should take all the time we can to teach our child about appropriate and inappropriate behaviors. We can do this through storytelling, explaining learning moments and utilizing positive and negative consequences for behaviors. This stage of childhood is wonderful for beginning a lifelong pattern of open communication with our child. By engaging them in conversation at every opportunity, we are teaching them that we value their thoughts and opinions. We are also staying committed to strengthening the bond with our child.
Even though a number of us are working parents, we can still form strong bonds with our children. We may have to sacrifice some of our personal time or let the household chores go undone for an extra day, but it is possible to be an active parent. By focusing our free time at home on our children, sometimes just through talking, we can form an everlasting closeness with our child.
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Considerations before marriage
Most individuals imagine marriage as a blissful, sacred union, which is not to be taken lightly. Thus, the decision to get married is not, and should not, be an easy one. We can take many factors into consideration before deciding to get married, but some are more important than others. Of course, our love and the quality of relationship we have with our partner should be the most important considerations. However, studies have shown that other factors regularly determine whether a marriage will last the test of time.
It seems that age at the time of marriage is an important factor. Marriages that begin prior to the couple entering their twenties often end in divorce. This seems to be, in part, due to another important factor: length of the relationship prior to marriage. It is often important to establish a strong relationship foundation by dating our partner for a notable period prior to committing to marriage. Those individuals who enter marriage after only a short period and/or are at a young age, often end-up as divorcees.
Marriage is also more likely to endure if the partners are close in age, as they are in similar places in their lives and can understand each other’s behaviors more easily. It seems to be just as important for couples to share the same religious or spiritual beliefs. Religion and spirituality are controversial topics that have the potential to create unbearable turmoil within a relationship if the beliefs are not similar. Those who have a higher level of religious or spiritual devoutness are also more likely to have successful marriages.
A number of other commonalities are also important for a marriage. Individuals with comparable education and employment levels often share similar thoughts on the importance of learning, as well as work ethic. Also of note is a similar upbringing. Those couples who come from a stable, two-parent family have a greater chance of staying married themselves. It seems that couples from these homes share positive beliefs about the value of marriage and take the commitment seriously.
In order to have that everlasting marriage we all dream of, we must consider these and a multitude of other factors prior to making that commitment. We should take a look at these areas and discuss issues of concern with our partner. Certainly, there are some couples who make their marriages work even if none of the aforementioned are present. However, it is important to recognize and address them before saying “I do”.
The wedding puzzle
You have decided to take the next step in your relationship: marriage. This is an exciting time in your life, but it can also be an extremely stressful period. There is an immense amount of effort that goes into wedding planning, making it more of a puzzle than a plan. As such, it is not a task to undertake by oneself. It is, then, a wonderful time to employ the assistance of those around you, thus making it an opportunity to strengthen relationships with your family, as well as your in-laws to be.
For most brides, the first wedding purchase they want to make is their dress. This is a great time to call together all of the women in both families for a day out together. Start the day by meeting for breakfast, where you can initiate conversation about the wedding dresses worn by others in the family. Effortlessly, this will lead into an intriguing discussion of the history of both families. In addition, this is a great place to talk about what you want in a dress and show everyone examples of the gowns you like. Then, when you move on to the dress shop, everyone is aware of your preferences and you of theirs. Together, you can make a decision about the perfect dress. The dress is then not only significant for the obvious reasons, but is also a memento of this time you spent bonding with your existing and new family members.
Selecting the menu and cake for the wedding is a wonderful opportunity to call all the available family members into action. In doing this, you will make a major task into a small chore. Again, you can discuss the preferences of all those present and make a decision that will satisfy all of the wedding attendees. Additionally, this is a time when seemingly menial conversation can lend itself to major relationship building.
As for the other, smaller wedding planning needs, you can discuss these at a family dinner. Through discussion of the tasks to be completed, from booking a venue to purchasing flowers, the knowledge and opinions of others can be invaluable. Also, many times, you will find that a member or members of your existing or new family have relationships with individuals that can provide your wedding goods and services at a discounted rate. As such, this dinner serves multiple purposes; it alleviates the stress of planning everything yourself, shows your passion for a family-oriented wedding, builds family relationships and saves you time and money.
In taking this approach to wedding planning, you can create a beautiful wedding that will be enjoyed by all. The time you spend with your old and new family members during this time will create memories that will last a lifetime. The benefits of planning a wedding as a family are innumerable. You should certainly consider these options for turning your wedding planning from puzzle to possible.
Marital bliss
In our culture and modern society, we are permitted to choose our life partner. Gone are the times of marriages planned by parents and escalating our dowry. It is ironic, then, that individuals appear to find it so difficult to remain with the spouse they have chosen. Truly, in some countries a full half of marriages end in divorce. It seems that these people have forgotten that they vowed to love one another “’til death”. To avoid this fifty-percent pitfall, we need to make it our mission to avoid the marital misnomers, know how to maintain marital bliss and put those skills to use.
We must first recognize that, even though we may be very in love with one another, we will not always feel that way. It may take weeks, months or years for us to first experience this, but it occurs in every relationship. It is during these times that we must realize that the feeling is only temporary and is not a sign of marital damnation. We cannot be madly in love with our partner all day, every day, so we should not have that expectation. When we recognize this emotion, it is our job to reengage with our partner and explore those things that made us fall in love in the first place.
We must also be aware that we, as a couple, are not of one mind. We will have disagreements, sometimes even arguments. However, we must discuss these issues as a couple and create a resolution. It is our ability to remain rational and adult when we have a difference of opinion that keeps our relationship strong. We cannot expect to agree all the time and we must feel at peace with this fact.
We cannot get lazy in our marriage. A marriage is truly a partnership that takes the effort and passion of both individuals. If we allow ourselves to get into a rut, it is all the more difficult to get out of. However, if we put effort into our marriage, we will not have to face that obstacle. So, we should always be aware of our partner and their needs, staying committed to maintaining the happiness of the marriage.
Whether we have been married for ten months or ten years, we must not misconceive what a marriage is or what it means. We must remain cognizant that things will not always be perfect and respond by resolving these issues. We cannot try to hold onto fallacies about marriage. Marriage takes effort and we must remain willing to fulfill our duties as a spouse to maintain the bliss.
The couple’s pact
In the early stages of couple hood, many people experience a time of great excitement, overwhelming passion and true bliss. The longer this period lasts, the better. However, there is an inevitable point at which a couple will experience their first disagreement, maybe even an argument. In order to avoid some of the common areas of dissonance in your own relationship, it is a good idea to discuss your expectations for one another prior to actually having a fight. This process can take place informally, or you can actually document your discussion in a sort of “couple’s pact”.
The most common misconception about happy couples is that they never disagree. Even though it is great for both individuals to have similar values, interests and beliefs, they are certainly not clones. Thus, there will be times when differences of opinion do exist. This type of disagreement, in and of itself, is not a problem. It is the manner in which it is handled that can make or break a relationship. As such, your couple’s pact should include a plan for handling such deviations in opinion or thought. Whether you choose to “agree to disagree” or attempt to persuade one another, the important thing is that both of you can utilize this technique to handle situations where you are at odds.
Another fallacy of positive relationships is that the partners want to spend every waking moment with one another. Although many individuals with excellent relationships are involved in activities with their partners, the value of some independence must be recognized. This is a truly important area to discuss, as opinions on this topic vary widely. As a result, your couple’s pact must include what types of activities that you and your partner want to do as individuals and what you want to do as a couple.
Finally, and most notably, couples often fail to recognize that there may be times when they do not feel one-hundred percent certain about their relationship. It is essential to be aware that you may not always view your relationship as perfect and may even consider separating. Again, though, it is how these thoughts and feelings are handled that is important. The couple’s pact should, then, include a strategy for addressing these times, no matter how uncomfortable it may be to admit to your partner.
This “couple’s pact” can serve a variety of purposes in your relationship and can really be anything you and your partner desire. Even if you have been in your relationship for years, creating such a pact may be helpful for your future. This pact will certainly open the lines of communication between you and your partner, as well as serving as a guideline for how you will handle the difficulties that may arise later.
The other family
We, as couples, think of our partner and our self as a team, a unit. As such, we recognize that what is theirs is ours and what is ours is theirs. We understand that, should we take the next step in our relationship, we will be one in many senses from that point on. All of this includes our partner’s family, whether we like it or not. In order to function in the capacity of “in-law” appropriately, we must move past any negative attitudes we have toward members of our husband’s family.
There are times when we may feel that our in-laws-to-be are just simply nosy. We feel as though they push their way into our business, regularly making our problems worse. However, the next time this occurs, we need to step back and look at the situation with an open mind. We must look at what their intentions appear to be and whether they mean well in their interventions. Sometimes, our partner’s family members may want to be closer or more involved with us, but these desires are not apparent in their execution.
At other times, we may find our self annoyed with our partner’s seemed dependency upon his family or their dependency upon our partner. We must look at this situation closer to get a true picture of what is going on. It could be that our partner and his family have very strong relationships, which we will soon also have with both if our relationship continues. This is a positive sign, as it indicates that family closeness is important to our partner and his family.
In spite of the aforementioned situations, when we can look at the situation from another perspective and see a positive, there are some times when we must simply deal with the negative. If we characterize a member of our partner’s family as obnoxious, we certainly cannot just avoid them. We must learn to communicate with them in way that minimizes their opportunity to be annoying. When a member of our partner’s family constantly criticizes us, we cannot get defensive and argumentative. We must maintain our composure and respond maturely. Sometimes, we must make these types of sacrifices for our relationship.
It is integral that we recognize how we view our partner’s family and confront the negativity before we take the next step in our relationship. Although it is not always possible to put a positive spin on the behaviors of our to-be in-laws, it is necessary for us to cope with these problems for the sake of our relationship. If we are not willing to make some sacrifices in this area, then we must confront the possibility that, maybe, we are not meant to be with our partner.