The decision to get a divorce is one of the most heart-wrenching and difficult choices a person will probably ever have to make in their life. It is a time that is often characterized by an enormous amount of stress and sadness. With these emotions also comes the fear of the unknown; an unparalleled point in life when we repeatedly ask ourselves where we will go from here. During such a tumultuous time, it is important to recognize the positives in our life and use this as an opportunity to strengthen the relationships that remain.
At such a difficult time, it is hard to be optimistic about our present, nonetheless about the future. However, we must force ourselves to look upon this as an opportunity in life, rather than a closed door. This is a time when we can take control in our lives and plan the direction we want to go. It seems common for us to have given-up a dream or desire in life and this is the time to regain what we sacrificed. We cannot be pulled down by a divorce. We must consider it a place to be reborn; our own personal renaissance.
For those who have children, this can compound the stress of the situation and add an immense amount of guilt. Again, though, we must “count our blessings” and help our children do the same. It is integral that we do not insult our spouse, nor can we allow ourselves to exclude them from processing the divorce with our children. As within our own lives, a divorce can present children an opportunity for personal growth.
This is also a chance for us to strengthen our current relationships, rekindle those of our past and build new ones. In addition, we can also involve our children in these socializing efforts. There are innumerable benefits to exercising our kinships and friendships, especially during trying times. The experiences and advice of others can be invaluable for both parents and children.
In addition to calling on the strength of our loved ones to help ourselves and our children through a divorce, the expertise of those holding and participating in support groups can be a wonderful resource. Associating with these individuals provides us, not just with support, but also with knowledge and insight. These groups can also serve as the starting point for life-long friendships built upon a common bond.
In the trying times of divorce, we do have to accept the loss of our marriage; a relationship that is, no doubt, one of the most significant in an individual’s life. However, we must focus our attention on our children and the other relationships that are important to us. We must utilize this as an opportunity to see things from an optimistic perspective and start anew, cherishing those people who still exist in our lives and constructing fresh relationships to take on this journey with us.
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Death – When To Allow Yourself To Move On
Losing a loved one is perhaps the hardest thing that anyone who is in love can experience; the loss not only leaves a giant hole in your life, but it affects your goals, your plans, and your direction for the future too. Well-meaning friends and family members may try to offer words of wisdom, or simply try to encourage you to start dating again by setting you up on blind dates. It is important, however, to listen to your own instincts and allow yourself to move on only when you are well and ready to do so.
Allowing Yourself To Grieve
By giving yourself the permission needed to cry, scream, feel anger and rage, you are allowing yourself to embrace the very natural feelings that accompany the loss of a loved one. If you do not accept that you will feel this way then you are very likely to either never find your way out of the black hole that grief has placed you into, or you are likely to see the grief manifest itself in other negative ways. Certainly, if you have small children, you must stand strong for them – but if you do not show them that it is okay to feel sad and that it is okay to cry then you are likely leading them down the path of potential behavior problems in the future.
The Passage Of Time
The cliché of “time heals all wounds” must not have been taking the loss of a loved one into consideration. No matter how much time has elapsed, chances are that you are always going to see, hear, and feel subtle reminders of your late partner. One of the primary key points to help yourself accept and manage these reminders is to try to focus on the warm memories that they bring with them; by focusing more on the happy memories and less on the feelings of loss, you may find that those subtle reminders bring a smile to your face instead of tears in your eyes and a pain in your heart.
There is no set time when it comes to the length of time that will be needed for you to feel that you are ready to step into the possibility of a new relationship. This is something that only you can decide.
- Do you feel ready to open your heart to a potential new love?
- Does your grief allow you the possibility of potentially sharing your bed with someone new?
It is vital that you, and only you, take the time needed to evaluate your life now and how it will be impacted by your decision to foray into the dating world again. If you have small children it may be necessary to place your focus, instead, on them and their abilities to cope with the loss in your family. Older children who have moved out of the home and have lives of their own should not be a deciding factor in your decision to start dating again – your decision to do so does not directly impact their day-to-day lives.
Working Wisely
Almost everybody has had a job at one point or another in their life. The vast majority of us will spend almost our entire adult lives working, making our choices about a career extremely important. Additionally, our attitude and performance at work have an array of impacts on the other elements of our lives. So, how do we make this important component of our existence one we enjoy, rather than one we dread?
It all starts in our childhood, when we truly believe that we can become anything we want. We fantasize about becoming a super hero, a ballerina or a movie star. As we age, we realize that these, indeed, are fantasy jobs and we must cope with the idea of having a “regular” job. If we are lucky enough to possess academic prowess and take our education seriously, we certainly have options that others will not with respect to career choices. In the end, though, it seems that we all must settle on a realistic career that is available and can sustain us.
Since we will spend so much of our time at our job, we must consider what type of job we will enjoy and be able to perform day after day, year after year. It is never a good idea to choose a job just because it pays well or gives us superiority, even though financial security and social standing are important aspects to consider. If we follow these rationale and spend each day completing tasks that disgust us, literally or in principle, it will affect us emotionally and mentally. Such distaste for our work will certainly mold us into miserable human beings.
It is also essential to choose work that provides us with some type of satisfaction. Performing menial work tasks gives us no positive feedback, making us dejected, unfulfilled individuals. A lot of people do not have to change the world in their work to find pleasure in it. Choosing a job that gives us a sense of accomplishment, whether from completing a big project or actually saving someone’s life, is refreshing and will help us to come back the next day and feel good about doing so.
Finally, we must have the ability to maintain a positive attitude about our work and believe that our contributions are important. Employees who begrudge everything about their jobs, even the tiles on the ceiling, will find themselves feeling the same way outside of work. We all have days when we feel negatively at our worksite, but it is necessary for us to find the positive in something about our job that day. We need to feel as though our work is a direct reflection upon ourselves and give as much effort as we would if we owned the company.
These simple ideas can mean a lot when it comes to rolling out of bed and heading-off to face our work day. Even if we dreamed of being a celebrity chef as a ten-year-old, we should still be able to find satisfaction in our position as a short-order cook. Finding the positives in our job will keep us charged for success and this positivity will spill-over into other areas of our lives. Feeling like a part of our employer’s mission and fulfilling our expectations will help us live happy and healthy lives, even if we are looking forward to retirement!
Just Talk
It has been said by many people for many years that being a parent is the most difficult job a person could ever have. Although it is true in some respects, there are certainly areas of the parent-child relationship that can be eased through a common-sense approach to parenting. One of the most integral aspects of any relationship is communication. If a parent cannot engage their child in conversation or honestly discuss issues that arise, there is no foundation upon which a meaningful relationship can be built.
From the first day of a child’s life, it is important to include children in family discussions. Obviously, the conversations within which a child is involved should be age-appropriate and non-threatening. But, even at a young age, children can contribute to the decisions being made and the problems being solved within a home, thus sending the message that they are an instrumental part of the family system. As such, they are more likely to consult with the family before making major life decisions of their own. More importantly for their overall development, this early involvement provides them with a feeling of connectedness and makes a child more likely to consider the impact of their decisions on their family.
Also conducive to open family communication is creating opportunities for discussion on a regular basis. The oldest and most practical way of doing this is to have at least one meal as a family each day. Even the busiest of parents have to eat, so this can be fit into almost anyone’s schedule, whether the meal is breakfast, lunch or dinner. Another strategy is to schedule an entertainment night once a week for the family. From playing board games to watching a movie, conversation is naturally stimulated.
There seems to be a consensus that the teenager years are the most difficult times on the parent-child relationship. Admittedly, teenagers are sometimes unpredictable and it is often a problem for parents to decide how to relate to them. This is where a parent must transform their communication to fit the situation and the child. It is important to remember that a parent is always a parent, but that does not mean that a parent cannot take on a variety of roles in guiding a child. For example, when a teen has a problem and needs a sympathetic ear, the parent needs to be more of a friend. This requires the parent to stifle their desire to take on the child’s problem, but allow the child to solve the problem themselves with a little friendly advice. It is situations like these that, again, reinforce the value of talking to our children.
Cultivating A Solid Relationship With Your In-Laws
There is little more that can strike fear into the heart of someone getting married than having to deal with difficult in-laws. When it comes to the relationships surrounding our in-laws, jokes and eye rolls abound! However, it makes little sense to not only foster the stereotypical relationship difficulties but to also ignore the friction that the relationship difficulties can cause within a family. Friction within a family can rapidly turn into a rift; a rift is something that no one wants in their family.
It may seem clichéd, but try to think of your family as a garden that requires tending in order to be successful. Without weeding, feeding, watering, and other care your garden will be rapidly overrun with weeds, and harmful bugs. Your gardening efforts will ultimately fail without the correct care and concern.
The same holds true for your family and your extended family: without the correct levels of care, concern, and effort, your family will fall apart.
Find Common Ground
One of the key methods of building a solid relationship with your in-laws is to take the time to find that common ground between you before you walk down the aisle with their son or daughter. Talk to your partner to find out what things that you may have in common with his mother or his father. Find out from your partner if her mother or her father enjoys a hobby that you have always been interested in branching out into.
By seeking out common ground with your in-laws you are, in effect, building the foundation upon which your relationship with them will be built.
Make The Effort
While it does certainly happen to some, you simply cannot expect your relationship with your in-laws to be a complete love-at-first-sight love fest. Chances are that you are going to need to take the time and make the effort to build a solid relationship with them before you and your partner take the steps to tie the knot.
If you find that your in-laws seem particularly resistant to getting to know you and also seem resistant to making the effort to build a relationship with you, then it is very important that you take the time to find out why they have concern with you and your involvement with their family member. By addressing their concerns now, before you get married, you will be able to move forward with your wedding with the confidence and knowledge that both of your families are completely supportive.
Resolving Conflicts
Should you find that, despite your best efforts, conflicts still arise between you and your in-laws it is vital that you address the conflicts as soon as is possible and that you work towards finding a resolution for all involved parties.
If need be schedule a dinner with your in-laws, one that your partner will attend as a show of support for you, and work together in a respectful adult manner to find the best resolution for the conflicts that have arisen.
In order to ensure that your marriage starts out on the best possible footing, taking the time to cultivate a solid, loving, and respectful relationship with your in-laws is a key part of the process of ensuring a happy and successful marriage.
Is Joining A Dating Website Right For You?
Let’s face it, navigating the dating world can be an incredibly bumpy journey filled with more turbulence than smooth sailing. While meeting a person online is not a new concept, the online dating world does seem to be growing in popularity amongst all age groups. If you are tired of blind-dates courtesy of your mother’s best friend, or you are simply tired of spending your time sitting in bars listening to bad pickup lines then you may be considering joining a dating website to help you meet a new range of people!
To help you make your decision about whether or not to join an online dating website, let’s review a few pros and cons to the process!
Pros To A Dating Website
More Serious Relationship Options
The odds are good that the singles who have posted profiles and pictures on online dating websites are actually looking for long-term relationship instead of a brief fling.
The Anonymous Factor
The ability to anonymously browse profiles and opt to respond to or ignore communications with interested matches can be incredibly empowering. Doing things anonymously, with your privacy protected, can provide you with the ability to be somewhat more selective in the people you choose to communicate with.
Reduce The Shyness
With the anonymous factor comes the reduction of a large portion of social awkwardness that many of us feel in the dating world. By removing the face-to-face rejection that we would otherwise face in a real-life dating situation, we are able to more confidently approach potential matches. After all, no one can see you blush from behind their computer screen!
Inner Beauty Comes First
Without the distraction of physical attraction, online daters are equipped with the opportunity to get to know and understand their matches on a much more deeper level. This establishment of a friendship first can help further on down the line should the relationship turn serious.
Broaden your dating horizons
Online dating will help you to broaden your dating horizons by introducing you to potential matches who live outside of your small town or simply run in a different social circle than you do. Your perfect match might not be something who you would ordinarily associate with!
Cons To A Dating Website
Not Everyone Is Single
Unfortunately online dating websites are full of people who are in fact still married or in the process of going through a divorce. When communicating with new people you should be aware of any potential red flags that could be signaling a still-married person!
Uneven Gender Numbers
Several online dating websites have a significantly higher number of men versus women, and visa versa. While this could definitely work to your advantage if the numbers are in your favour, it may also lead several people to provide untruths about themselves in order to boost the number of contacts that they receive.
Anonymous Is Not Always A Good Thing
Due, in large part, to the anonymity of the online dating work, many of the website’s members may provide dishonest information about themselves that may include information related to their physical appearance or even their employment status!
If you do make the decision to enter into the realms of online dating you should be certain that you utilize a fair amount of common sense in order to ensure that your experience is one that is as positive and successful as possible!