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Unconditional Love

November 12, 2010 by Bruce Sullivan

The couples’ relationship can be strengthened through a variety of strategies. There is no single method for fortifying that bond, but a variety of techniques to make us closer. The goals of such ventures should be focused upon keeping the relationship fun and interesting, as well as bringing us closer while ensuring that each partner maintain their own personal sense of self. The overall objective, though, is to bring two people into harmony and creating an irrevocable sense of unity that will survive the test of time.
All couples, at some point in their lives, began as two strangers happening upon their mutual love for one another in some way. Many of us met during high school, where we had often been friends before becoming romantically involved. A number of us will reveal that we met the love of our life on a blind date or through a dating service. Still others happened upon one another through coincidence or maybe it was fate. Whatever the means by which we came into this relationship, we started out as individuals coming together.
It is important to preserve our sense of self, even in the closest of couples’ relationships. This can be achieved easily by exploring one another’s interest and committing to doing so throughout our time together. This may require us to compromise at times, but this act in and of itself serves to show our commitment to making our partner happy. Additionally, we may discover things we have in common that we never realized, thus bringing us that much closer.
Also integral are the things we do for one another out of a pure desire to make our partner happy. These types of gestures not only tell our partner how much we love them, but also show that we can act on behalf of our partner in a truly unselfish fashion. Preparing a lovely candlelight dinner after our loved one has worked beyond their usual shift or surprising our lover with a picnic lunch can have positive effects that reach beyond that of our original expectation.
Finally, it is absolutely necessary that we give our partner peace of mind in knowing that our love is unconditional. A number of couples have revealed that their biggest fears about the stability of their relationship lie in the prospect of an expected event. Women often fear how their partner will react if they gain weight or if their outer appearance is compromised. Men regularly feel apprehensive about losing the love of their girlfriend should they become unemployed or be robbed of the ability to care for themselves. As such, we must make it clear to our partner that our love is not based upon the material or superficial, but upon their character, their values and the way they love us.

How to Avoid Irritating Your Boss at Work

October 27, 2010 by Bruce Sullivan

Everyone has had times where they may have stuck their foot in their mouth at work. This is common because no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. But, we may actually be engaging in activities that could be irritating our boss and we may not even realize that we are doing it. This article will examine some of the behaviors that we may engage in that could be really irritating our boss and we do not even know it.
Most individuals in today’s society have access to cell phones. These cell phones are not used for simple phone calls anymore. They are like mini computers that are carried around and fit into our pockets. Because of this, more and more people are using them everywhere they go. The sad part about that is that they are also being used at the workplace. This can become very frustrating for an employer. Not to mention the fact that it is not very professional for someone to be talking on their cell phone, or sending text messages, while they are on the job. Therefore, it is most important to make sure that the cell phones are put away while you are at work. Take time at lunch, or on a 15 minute break, to check any messages. This should be the only time that you should be on your cell phone.
Having meetings with your employer may not be very exciting for many people. Actually, it can be very stressful for some, but for others it might create a lot of stress and anxiety. No matter how these meetings make you feel, you should never spend time looking for a clock or checking your watch. You must remember that the individual you are speaking to is your boss. He, or she, has called the meeting for a reason and continually checking the time can show that you are not interested in what they have to say. This can be very irritating for an employer that is trying to have a serious conversation with their employees.
How many times have you received personal calls on your place of employments phone line? This is common in times of emergency. But, it is not something that should be a habit. You are not in your home so you should not be carrying out various social calls throughout the day. This is rude and it also disrupts your work. Therefore, you will want to instruct others to make sure that they are not calling you at work unless they have an emergency. Save the chit chat for when you are at home.
You may think that informing your boss about everything that is going on in the office is the correct thing to do. It shows that you are responsible and you take your job seriously. Stop and think about that before you carry out with those plans. Many employers will view this as tattling and it is frowned upon in the workplace, just like it was in school. So, do not tattle on your co-workers. Focus on your work, and your job. Do the best that you can and then move on for the day. Only report things that may be illegal, or that could cause a safety issue.

Teaching Your Children About Money

October 27, 2010 by Bruce Sullivan

With individuals continuing to struggle through this rough economy, it is becoming more and more important to teach our children about money and the value that it has. Many parents do not take the time to think about it, but it is best to begin teaching our children about money when they are very young. There are many different ways to accomplish this goal and this article will discuss a few ideas that parents can try.
One way to begin teaching children about money is to get them a bank at a very young age. Then, when spare change is found on the floor, or on the countertops at home, parents can give this change to their children to place in their banks. This is a very easy way to begin teaching children about what it means to save money. Parents can also begin to teach their children about what each piece of change is, such as a penny or a dime. They can also help their children learn how much each one is worth.
Next, it is very important for parents to help their children understand the importance of a dollar. This means that children need to begin earning their money at a very young age. Parents should not simply hand their children money each and every time that they ask for it. They should also help their children learn to save for the things that they really want. For example, if your child wants a new video game, that would be a good time to help your child fully understand what it means to work for money. You could help them save their money and help them fully understand how much they will need in order to get the game that they want. This sounds really harsh to some parents, but when parents are continually spending money on games every other week, it can become very expensive. So, parents need to help their children learn the value of a dollar, and how to contribute.
Finally, parents can let their children help them while they are paying the bills and balancing the checkbook. This might not be an appropriate task for a five year old, but it might be totally appropriate for a ten year old. By doing this, the child will be able to fully understand how to manage money. They will also be able to gain knowledge related to what is needed in order to run a household. Parents may also want to call the local bank and ask if they give tours. Taking children to the bank for a tour can be a great way to increase their knowledge related to this institution. Parents may even want to consider setting up saving accounts for the child at this time as well. Many kids may become very excited about this.
We all know the state of the economy. It is very important for children to understand how money effects all of us. It really is what makes the world go around. All children need to realize how important it is to be able to save and to take care of themselves. These are lessons that should always be taught at a young age. Actually, the sooner the better.

Kids Sports

October 15, 2010 by Bruce Sullivan

Article by Justin Coulson. See his Happy families blog here or follow Justin's twitter.
In preparation for an interview with a newspaper, I have been reviewing some research about children's involvement in sports, and how competition can affect their interest.
Is competition bad for children? Should kids be fighting it out for competition points? And is it ok for there to be winners and losers on the sports field?
One of the key reasons this has become an issue is because some sports clubs are now changing their emphasis away from competition for younger children. The argument goes that when young children are exposed to competition and the prospect of losing, their interest in sports will diminish. When the competition is not emphasised, the sport is played for fun, skill development, and social support.
Studies indicate that the main reason children play sports is for 'fun'. This is good news. They're involved for intrinsic motivations. All of the best research confirms that when we are motivated for internal reasons, we'll stick at something longer, and enjoy it more, than if we are motivated for external reasons.
Evidence suggests that by the age of 15, up to 80-90% of children will have given up competitive sports. It's particularly common in adolescence, and especially in girls. So perhaps moving away from competitive focus is useful.
I have written previously about why competition can be bad for kids.
However, should we stop exposing our kids to competitive sports?
Sports, by its very nature, is competitive.
A more detailed look at studies in this field suggests that playing competitive sports can be good or bad depending on a couple of important factors. First, the focus and motivation, and second, the feedback. In BOTH cases, the parents are ultimately responsible for whether a child's experience will be positive.
Focus and Motivation
Children who are focused on participating for challenge, fun, competence, and social support enjoy their sport and are not negatively affected by the competitive element.
Children who are focused on winning are most likely to be negatively affected by competition.
The main reason for this is the emphasis on mastery and learning in comparison to what I call 'ego' involvement. When our motives are based on success, a setback or failure can be demoralising and saps a sense of competence. Conversely, when our kids are in it for what they can learn, and to be with other people who also love the sport, winning and losing become less relevant.
Parents and coaches who emphasise doing your best, winning, and other competitive elements may be doing their kids a disservice in their efforts to promote good outcomes.
Parents and coaches who emphasise trying new things, practicing a new skill, working together, or enjoying the experience and more likely to promote a long-term commitment to, and passion for, sport.
Feedback
When feedback is negative, sense of competence and autonomy is reduced and children like the sport less.
When feedback is positive, or at least encouraging, children like the sport.
So, is competition good or bad?
It depends. But since sport and exercise are good for us physically and emotionally, and we can gain great social support from them, participation should be generally encouraged. What matters is that our focus is on learning and development rather than on winning, and that our feedback and conversation is less about criticism and more about encouragement.

Parenting, Happiness and Meaning

October 15, 2010 by Bruce Sullivan

Article by Justin Coulson. Help Justin with his research to receive a free e-book about parenting and you will be entered into a draw to win one of four $250 Westfield gift cards.
See his Happy families blog here or follow Justin's twitter.
Today's Illawarra Mercury has a front page article about parenting and happiness. Justin was interviewed talking about whether or not parents are happy being parents, and why researchers typically find that happiness declines for parents.
It would be a scene familiar to almost every parent.
One day, nine years ago, Justin Coulson got angry at his eldest daughter, aged two at the time.
He shouted at her, put her in her room and then went outside to cool down.
A street away, he heard a father screaming and yelling at another child.
"I heard how it reflected what I'd just done but was amplified," Mr Coulson said.
"I had an epiphany. I realised then I didn't want to turn into that man and had to learn how to be a better dad."
Nine months later, the former radio announcer enrolled in an undergraduate psychology degree.
Eight years on, the Figtree resident is in the final stages of completing a three-year PhD study at the University of Wollongong into parenting and how it affects and reflects on levels of adult happiness.
Mr Coulson is calling on Illawarra parents to help him decipher the difficult family dynamics by participating in an online study.
"I'm looking for around 1000 parents, from all walks of life and each end of the parenting spectrum to complete a 30-minute survey about parenting and happiness."
His research so far has highlighted that the majority of adults struggle with parenting, especially the social pressure to say they love the role.
"Parenting is really hard work and while it is punctuated with moments of delight, most mums and dads can't wait until the kids are asleep at night so they can finally switch back out of parent mode and de-stress," he said.
Mr Coulson said as children grow older, happiness among parents declines until the children move out of the family home.
But present and would-be parents shouldn't despair quite yet - there is a flip side, Mr Coulson said.
"Children provide a deep sense of meaning for a parent," he said.
"They make the highs higher. There are brief moments, such as watching your child in a dance competition, or seeing them achieve, that make being a parent - and all the difficulties with it - worthwhile."
Mr Coulson stressed his research had found there was a spectrum with two distinct ends.
"But our research has found the majority of parents have diminished levels of happiness as their children grow up."
He said his research was not meant to be judgemental on parents, but would hopefully lead to a better understanding of how families can become healthier.
Every parent who completes the survey receives a free e-book about parenting and will be entered into a draw to win one of four $250 Westfield gift cards.
To complete the survey, visit http://bit.ly/parentingsurvey.

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