In the early stages of couple hood, many people experience a time of great excitement, overwhelming passion and true bliss. The longer this period lasts, the better. However, there is an inevitable point at which a couple will experience their first disagreement, maybe even an argument. In order to avoid some of the common areas of dissonance in your own relationship, it is a good idea to discuss your expectations for one another prior to actually having a fight. This process can take place informally, or you can actually document your discussion in a sort of “couple’s pact”.
The most common misconception about happy couples is that they never disagree. Even though it is great for both individuals to have similar values, interests and beliefs, they are certainly not clones. Thus, there will be times when differences of opinion do exist. This type of disagreement, in and of itself, is not a problem. It is the manner in which it is handled that can make or break a relationship. As such, your couple’s pact should include a plan for handling such deviations in opinion or thought. Whether you choose to “agree to disagree” or attempt to persuade one another, the important thing is that both of you can utilize this technique to handle situations where you are at odds.
Another fallacy of positive relationships is that the partners want to spend every waking moment with one another. Although many individuals with excellent relationships are involved in activities with their partners, the value of some independence must be recognized. This is a truly important area to discuss, as opinions on this topic vary widely. As a result, your couple’s pact must include what types of activities that you and your partner want to do as individuals and what you want to do as a couple.
Finally, and most notably, couples often fail to recognize that there may be times when they do not feel one-hundred percent certain about their relationship. It is essential to be aware that you may not always view your relationship as perfect and may even consider separating. Again, though, it is how these thoughts and feelings are handled that is important. The couple’s pact should, then, include a strategy for addressing these times, no matter how uncomfortable it may be to admit to your partner.
This “couple’s pact” can serve a variety of purposes in your relationship and can really be anything you and your partner desire. Even if you have been in your relationship for years, creating such a pact may be helpful for your future. This pact will certainly open the lines of communication between you and your partner, as well as serving as a guideline for how you will handle the difficulties that may arise later.
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The other family
We, as couples, think of our partner and our self as a team, a unit. As such, we recognize that what is theirs is ours and what is ours is theirs. We understand that, should we take the next step in our relationship, we will be one in many senses from that point on. All of this includes our partner’s family, whether we like it or not. In order to function in the capacity of “in-law” appropriately, we must move past any negative attitudes we have toward members of our husband’s family.
There are times when we may feel that our in-laws-to-be are just simply nosy. We feel as though they push their way into our business, regularly making our problems worse. However, the next time this occurs, we need to step back and look at the situation with an open mind. We must look at what their intentions appear to be and whether they mean well in their interventions. Sometimes, our partner’s family members may want to be closer or more involved with us, but these desires are not apparent in their execution.
At other times, we may find our self annoyed with our partner’s seemed dependency upon his family or their dependency upon our partner. We must look at this situation closer to get a true picture of what is going on. It could be that our partner and his family have very strong relationships, which we will soon also have with both if our relationship continues. This is a positive sign, as it indicates that family closeness is important to our partner and his family.
In spite of the aforementioned situations, when we can look at the situation from another perspective and see a positive, there are some times when we must simply deal with the negative. If we characterize a member of our partner’s family as obnoxious, we certainly cannot just avoid them. We must learn to communicate with them in way that minimizes their opportunity to be annoying. When a member of our partner’s family constantly criticizes us, we cannot get defensive and argumentative. We must maintain our composure and respond maturely. Sometimes, we must make these types of sacrifices for our relationship.
It is integral that we recognize how we view our partner’s family and confront the negativity before we take the next step in our relationship. Although it is not always possible to put a positive spin on the behaviors of our to-be in-laws, it is necessary for us to cope with these problems for the sake of our relationship. If we are not willing to make some sacrifices in this area, then we must confront the possibility that, maybe, we are not meant to be with our partner.
There are a million fish in the sea
Ah, dating; it is the daunting task that so many of us face at one point or another in our lives. The prospect of dating alone can be frightening and overwhelming, yet exciting and filled with possibilities, all at the same time. However, we must set-up a date before we can even conceive of these emotions. And, for many people, finding someone to date can be the most difficult element of it all. In today’s world of technological wonders, it is easier than ever to find a date.
For those of us who are not intimidated by the technology of today, there are a plethora of websites dedicated to connecting us with the companion of our dreams. Although we should use common sense and take caution anytime we communicate online, there are a number of reputable websites that we can access. Most impressively, many of these sites use questionnaires and interest inventories to match us with other individuals with similar traits. Although there are still some who attach stigma to the utilization of such websites, they are invaluable resources where we have an opportunity to discover the person of our dreams, which we otherwise may have never met.
Another cyber-based means of finding an appropriate date is to utilize one or more of the social networking websites. Although these sites are not dedicated to matching us with our fantasy date, they can serve as an excellent place to meet new people, one of which we may find to be “the one”. These sites allow us the opportunity to build a website where we can fully disclose who we are as individuals, what we enjoy and what we detest, as well as outline the values and morals that are most important to us. And, the biggest benefit here is that we can exclude identifying information that may allow undesirable individuals from becoming potential stalkers.
By using these web-based resources, we expand our pool of potential suitors into an ocean of probable mates. Even though we may reject several of the individuals we find by using these websites, we can still build friendships with them. These friendships then enlarge our social base, which can also lead us to discovering the perfect partner. By putting ourselves out there in the cyber world, we are exposing ourselves to the entire world and can do so in a safe, secure approach.
Common dating
Time and time again, it has been said that common interests are some of the most important things in a relationship. Married couples often talk about the activities that brought them together, which are the same activities that help to keep their relationships strong. In the world of dating, these similarities can serve as the foundation for a friendship, which can certainly lead to a romantic relationship. We can utilize this knowledge as a strategy for finding an appropriate date, who has the potential to be our perfect mate.
First of all, we should sit down and make a list of our hobbies, interests and things we find most intriguing. In doing this, we should consider our beliefs and values and how these can also be communicated through our activities. For example, by volunteering at the church clothing drive, we send the message that we enjoy humanitarian activities and that our church and religion are significant to us. It is certainly important for us to be able to give a potential date this information up front in order to avoid “dead end dating”.
Next, we can translate this list into locations and events where others with these same interests may be present. We can take more initiative to attend the art gallery opening of its newest collections, become a member of a local bowling league or take the time to volunteer at the neighborhood soup kitchen. It is necessary for us to be involved in such social activities in order to meet new people. Once there, it is only a matter of mingling, building new friendships and making conversation with those we find intriguing.
This idea is comparable to that of many dating websites, which utilize interest inventories and values surveys. These websites take our collective responses to these questionnaires and match us with someone who answered similarly. Many of these websites have cost associated with their use, but they can be a valuable resource in times when our socializing efforts have failed. It is important to recognize that we can meet people we would have never otherwise met through the use of these dating sites.
In the dating world, it is integral that we take the time to consider our interests and values prior to seeking a potential partner. These techniques save us a lot of time and heartache, as they keep us from dating someone that lacks common interests with us. We can also open up to the idea of dating websites, recognizing their potential and putting the stigma of times past aside. In doing these things, we can be well on our way to discovering our perfect mate.
Dealing with unexpected death
Facebook Fanpage Question: “A good mate of mine’s Dad passed away Friday night unexpectedly. What do you feel is the right thing for his family to do to overcome these events? And as a friend what would you recommend would be best and also what positive can come of this event?
Bruce Sullivan from redhotrelationships.com answers this difficult question.
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Giving time for our family
We all live hectic, busy lives between our jobs, our homes and our hobbies. We seem to give all of our time to these tasks, often wishing there were more hours in the day. We all know that isn’t possible, so we must make our family a priority in our daily schedule regardless of the other duties in our lives. There are a number of simple strategies we can use to do this without sacrificing the chores we are obligated to complete.
First and foremost, we need to establish a schedule in our household. We must set regular meal times, during which we can gather with our family to prepare and eat the food. This gives everyone in the family a time to share about their day and build close, strong relationships. We also need to define periods of one-on-one time between each parent and each child, as well as between children.
These time periods can be utilized for everything from homework and studying to grocery shopping and running errands. No matter what the activity, the important thing is that we are spending quality time with one another.
Next, we need to involve our family members in as many of our extracurricular activities as possible. This is as important for parents as for the children, in that it provides a sense of unity and support for all. For example, if we spend time volunteering at our local homeless shelter, we should bring our family along to help out. Similarly, if our child is actively involved in sports, our entire family should be present to cheer them on. Just think, if the activity is important enough for us to give our time to, then it should also be just as important to everyone in the family.
Finally, we need to set limits on the time we spend outside the home, even at work. This is especially true when putting-in extra hours is not a necessity for keeping our job or for financial reasons. We must recognize the inherent value of being present for our family, even if we are simply at home to prepare our children a snack when they arrive home from school. Studies show that a parent’s presence in home, in and of itself, provides children with a sense of security and stability within their living environment.
We all must, obviously, maintain employment in order to provide for family. In addition, it is also important for each member of the family to have their share of private time. However, making ourselves available to our family by involving them in our outside activities, scheduling time with them and making our time at home a priority, will have a positive impact on our relationships for years to come.